A Reminder

So I got a reminder tonight.  I haven't posted on here in......well...forever.  Not that I haven't wanted to.  Not that I haven't thought about it.  Actually I thought about it numerous times, being brutally honest, I was just too lazy.

I had grand ideas that I would post every day.  Ever make "plans" and realize that your plans were a little bit lofty?  My posting every day thing goes along with going to the Y six days a week.  I am starting to realize that instead of grand ideas and lofty plans, maybe I should actually set achievable and realistic goals.

So, achievable goals that I can actually get to by the end of the year?  I know, most people wait and set goals at the first of the year.  That's not how I roll.  

-blog once a week
-read more
-drop another jean size
-hang out at the Y at least twice a week

Yep, I think that about does it.  Realistic?  Pretty much.  Lofty?  Maybe.  Depending on the speed of this crazy, amazing life I am living.  I can always dream can't I?

Oh, another goal.  Get more sleep.  Totally lofty and unrealistic since there aren't more hours in a day but just puttin' it out there!

Consistency.....I love it!

I cannot tell you how much better my life feels when I have consistency.  Yes, I have a job with a flexible schedule and it is rarely the same every week but today...my life got a bit more consistent.  Ok, a lot.

Our three younger kids all finished their first day of school.  It was a grand success.  Yes, I know.  Honeymoon period, always.  But, even after the honeymoon period, I have a feeling that we have found our "school" home.  No tears, no anxiety, no feeling out of place.  Really, the best first day ever.  Consistency.  Lovin' this feeling.

Now that the kids are in school again, there is consistency in routine.  Love this.  The kids thrive in this.  Mr. Smooth, functions on a whole new level with this.  My life, even with my chaotic schedule, feels steady.  Level.  I've missed this.  I didn't really realize just how much I've missed this.  

I've always thought I was a spontaneous kind of gal.  And in some ways, I think I still am.  But in daily life, I'm a consistent kind of girl now.  So weird how things change as you get older.  Maybe it's the having kids part.  Maybe it's just the fact that I'm older.  Nah, I don't like the sound of that because I don't feel that.  Wiser?  Yes.  Older?  Only in body.  

As we settle into this routine and get even more consistent in this whole crazy life thing, I'm pretty excited about the fact that workout time will be consistent.  Bed time for the kids, on time.  Dinner time, at a reasonable hour.  The more I think of, the more excited about this I get.  Best part of it all, everyone benefits.  Definitely wiser.

Back-up Plan Better?

Back-up plan implemented.  In all reality, better than the original.  With the exception of having to shop for school supplies twice!

We bought our home thinking we were in one school district.  Not that we really cared at the time but still...So we find out a couple of months ago that we are actually in a different district.  One that well, is HORRIBLE!  In our eyes anyway.  I'm sure there are lots of happy students and parents in the district, so maybe just a horrible fit for us.  I digress.  Back to where I was.  When the final decision was made to allow the kids to go back to school some place other than home, we were wait listed at the charters.  Tiny, minuscule district 15 miles away seemed like a great fit.  That was the original plan.  From the first sentence in this post you can guess, minuscule district didn't work.

Most districts around here have open enrollment.  So you apply just like to a private or charter school.  So apps sent in.  Mr. Smooth got accepted, Mini-Me and Itty Bit, denied.  Back up plan implemented.  Kids were a little bummed at first.  Original plan only schooled four days a week.  But back-up plan has something even better going for it.  I graduated from there.  

Talk about a speedy school.  Original school, we waited and waited and had to make umpteen phone calls.  So nice every time we chatted but never returned my calls.  Never followed through.  Back-up plan school apps done in less than two hours, phone calls made and teachers assigned.  They are on the ball.  I knew they were fantastic, not just because I graduated from there.

I teach this everyday in my job - identifying options, creating back-up plans.  Making sure that your expectations can be met by utilizing all available resources.  Honestly, it feels like my expectations have been exceeded.  Not only are they in a quality district that is close but they are in a place that feels a bit like home to me.  A place that offers them a lot more than they could have hoped for.  One that is better than the original.  

Elliptical Master

 

So I already told everyone we joined the Y.  I haven't been the yoga master for a couple of weeks.  Just haven't felt it.  I have a new title.  Elliptical master.  The Elliptical and I become one but in the end....I'm the master.

Tonight's workout...gonna feel it in the morning.  I burned 617.4 calories.  Stoked.  I feel amazing.  I worked my tail off.  Not literally but I wish.  But I did feel amazing.  It became this very weird and crazy challenge and I was determined to be the winner, even though the Elliptical can't fight back.  Light bulb.  I was fighting against me.  Old me.  The one that creeps back in and decides that being healthy doesn't really matter to me.

It matters.  I want to be the master of not just the Elliptical but of my body.  Hardest thing I have ever done.  But, I'm winning.  Slow but sure.  I always thought people were nuts that that were addicted to working out.  I can see how easily that could happen after today's workout.  I didn't want to stop.  I wanted to keep seeing that calorie counter get higher and higher.  If I would have had time, I would have went for 1K in cals.  

Tomorrow is another day.  My body and my mind/heart will be in a battle to the death.  My mind and heart are going to win.  Unhealthy body, see ya.  Doubt me?  You forget, I'm the Elliptical master.

It's Over!

The week that is.  Well, the work week anyway.  I'm glad the week isn't over.  It's date night with my man.  I so look forward to these times.  It's been a while and I've missed him.

Jason works crazy hours in the summer.  I work a lot.  He's ready for bed by 8 as he gets up so early.  Doesn't work for me.  I'm more of a 12:30 kind of girl.  My hour or two a day isn't enough.  I like him too much for that.  You could say, I'm infatuated.  Still.  After almost 19 years, he gives me butterflies.

Date night is so important.  Another thing I used to feel guilty about.  Not anymore.  If Jason and I don't have a healthy, connected relationship, we can't be what our kids need us to be.  We need this time without kiddo interruption because guess what, we were "us" before kids came along.  Actually, not for long as Mr. Dread came along 9 months after we were married but......I digress. 

I love spending time as just "us".  We don't get to do it often but when we do, we do it well.  We eat what we like and it doesn't usually have a stand in line and order and get your food feel.  We only see non-kid movies if that's on the agenda.  We hang out with other adults, have adult conversation, and go to adult places.  It's five hours of bliss.  Yes, we have long dates.  Gotta when you don't get to do it often.

Don't get me wrong, we love our kids, more than life itself, but we need this time.  And, you know what, I think lots of people need it but don't do it.  I think couples would be happier, healthier, and more connected if they took time to just hang out as "us" instead of "the fam".  If they could do it without guilt that is.  Guilt ruins a lot of things.  Especially the mood on a date!  Not gonna happen to me tonight because I've missed him. 

Where Did it Go?

Talking about time.  Mr. Dread head turned 18 on Sunday.  As I looked through pictures to pull out and share with family and friends, I was transported to another time.  My trip down memory lane was filled with so many emotions.

Jason and I were kids (18 is definitely a kid in my book.  No wonder my parents freaked when Jason and I said we were getting married!) when baby made three.  Didn't have a clue what we were doing.  Weren't even sure how to be adults.  But somehow, we made it.  God's grace for sure.  

We always told Mr. Dread we were so sorry that he was basically a guinea pig.  We had never been parents so we were testing it out on him.  He always said he didn't mind.  But sometimes, I'm not so sure.  We were pretty wobbly here and there.  But somehow, we made it.

I almost lost my life bringing Mr. Dread into this world.  I didn't want to die but my body was saying and doing other things.  God's grace kept me here.  Funny how you fight to live but if Mr. Dread needed it, I would gladly lay down my life for him.  I love him that much.  Ditto for dad.  

We have held his hand through numerous skinned knees and bee stings.  We have cheered him on while he raced BMX and rode bulls.  We have been mesmerized by his amazing ability to create emotion and deep feeling with his music.  We are continually amazed that God felt us worthy of such an amazing young man.  The bond with our first born runs deeper each day as we experience the different phases of life together.  

Mr. Dread, you are a blessing given to us by God's grace and you truly make us proud.  

School Supplies in the Fall

Well, not technically fall but it has been cooler at night.  But school supplies.....our house abounds with their lovely smells.  And school clothes.  And backpacks.  And the thought that the 20th is right around the corner.

Mr. Smooth hugged me this morning and thanked me numerous times.  "Mom, thanks for letting us go to school."  Really?  Letting?  Like they haven't been to school in the past 3 months.  Short recap.  Out of school April 1st when we moved into the new house and homeschooled the rest of the school year.  Summer out in the country, no subdivision friends, away from school friends they had made in old school.  Bored.  Bored to death (not exactly dead but they get excited about a trip to Walgreens 1.5 miles away).  Letting us go to school?  Priceless.

They are still jacked about going to school again.  Miss Mini-me, so excited to have "besties" to hang with.  Mr. Smooth, can't wait to be teacher's fav (always is).  Miss Itty Bit, already planning her birthday party with all the new friends she will have.  Makes me feel peaceful to hear the excitement in their voices.

Kids looking forward to school, I'm looking forward to them being there.  Consistency in schedule definitely helps them excel academics.  No more when are we going to have friends.  Choir concerts.  PTA.  Shallow reasons?  Of course.  No granola bar wrappers on the coffee table when I come home.  Lower electric bill as 12 different electronics won't be running all day long.  Less garbage bags to buy because kids aren't home during the day to fill them up.  I know shallow.

When everyone is happy and at peace, priceless.

Running on Fumes

Life is running faster than full speed this week.  Jason's working long hours.  I'm working long hours.  The kids....not sure what they are doing exactly but they are all still alive! Working long hours at being kids.  I'll go with that.

The Y hasn't gotten many visits from us this week.  Not sure where I would have fit that in.  Wait....I could cut back on sleep.  Who needs it, right??  An office gal told me I had bags under my eyes.  Can't cut back the sleep.  Actually, I think it was from the sheer amount of concern for a client.  I know, I know, not supposed to emotionally connect in my profession.  I'd have to be dead.  Really.  I can't help but feel compassion and empathy when they are struggling.  I can't help but be concerned and a bit anxious when their mental status has decompensated so much they end up on a mental hold in the ER.  Breaks my heart.

On a positive. Landed in court today with Mr. Dread Head for aggressive driving (read following to closely).  No..not the positive...wait for it....wait for it.....The prosecuting attorney was fabulous.  Great deal, great guy.  Doesn't hurt he thought I was Mr. Dread Head's sister (oh snap, there's the positive in case you missed it).  Guess the bags under the eyes must have been smaller today.  Mr. Prosecutor is now my new best friend.  I must find more friends like that.

A milestone.  Miss Mini-Me had her first babysitting job today, well, besides her bro and sis.  She is an amazing, talented, beautiful young lady.  Almost 13.  That milestone freaks me out a bit.  Throw in the head to toe legs and I think daddy is going to be a busy man.

Blessed.  My job is amazing.  I love what I do.  God knew psychology was my bag.  My colleagues are amazing.  It all fits like a glove.  My family is even more amazing.  Supportive, proud, right there to back me up and help out, unconditional love, even when I get distracted in the grocery store by the sale signs and take longer than I should have to get home.  You can't measure that kind of love in dollar amounts.  It's real.  

Full speed life....more than I could have ever asked for or hoped for.  Content.

Food Frenzy

I have totally slacked this week.  I mean seriously.  Not at work.  That's been crazy-chaotic-busy.  But, I LOVE it!  Call me slacker cook this week.  How in the world do I get it all done and eat before 7 (which kills my guts!).

Crockpot??  Not a fan.  Well, Jason isn't anyway.  Freezer cooking?  Freezer isn't big enough.  Definitely need to invest in one.  Convenience food?  Can't stand all the additives.  What to do.

Going to the grocery store will help.  Almost payday thank God!!  I think the key will be filling the fridge with healthy foods that are convenient, easy to prepare, and that don't kill your guts.  Budgeting while shopping?  So hard.

I teach people how to budget their money.  How to avoid impulsivity when shopping.  How to recognize symptoms that trigger impulsive spending.  Why doesn't it work for me?  Because I can't pass up a good sale and sometimes........you just need double stuffed Oreos.  

I gotta scour the net for quick, healthy recipes that don't take hours to cook, hours to prep.  Gotta find things that my other half can tag team with me.  Need to go back to making a menu.  Slacker cook didn't come out near as often with the menu.

On a positive note, found a great pork carnitas recipe that everyone loved.  It was in the crockpot.  Go figure.  

Wanna be is gonna be sore

Ouch.  Major ouch.  A little more ouch.  It's only been 3 hours since I was at the Y and I already feel it.  I worked hard.  I was focused.  I am proud.  

There is this crazy zone that I get in when I am working out.  Nothing can kill my focus.  I am driven.  Driven to work harder.  To push myself.  But, it's odd.  That drive is NOT there at home.  Only when I go somewhere.  I baby out at home.  I put it off.  But the "gym", it's all about me.

No one needs anything to eat.  I don't have anyone asking me questions.  I can focus entirely on me.  As a mom, as a working mom especially, it's hard to focus on yourself.  It's easy to put yourself last and feel guilty if you do it differently.  I'm realizing, I'm not mentally and emotionally healthy if I don't give this gift to myself.

My job helps keep me sane.  Weird since I work with mentally ill people but I love what I do.  My family makes me feel complete and I love spending time with them.  It isn't enough.  I have to do something for myself.  I have to put me first for an hour, five days a week, 52 weeks a year.  I've realized the kids won't die.  The laundry won't get any bigger (well hopefully not) in that hour.  Dogs won't starve.  Dishes will get done eventually.  

I don't have to give so much of myself that there is nothing left.  I don't feel guilty anymore.  I'm proud of myself.

An Epiphany

Went to the Y yesterday.  Met with the "wellness coach".  Let's just say, I think I could do that job just as well, maybe better.  I know, I know.  Wouldn't have needed to meet with her if I had it all together.  Right??  

Disclaimer:  I am in no way putting down the wellness coach.  She is a super nice lady.  She is smart.  She's in fantastic shape.  But.....

That's an hour of my life I will never get back.  Or that I could have spent working out.  Or that I could have swam with the kids.  Really.  

Any advice I take away from my "coach" (since they can't actually give you specifics (although they present the program as that) because you have to pay the personal trainer to do that) visit?  Trying hard to rack my brain here.

I know.  I sound so sarcastic.  But seriously.  Just because I'm still in the getting serious about my health stage, it doesn't mean that I know nothing about nutrition and exercise.  In fact, the workout "suggestions" (again can't give you any kind of actual plan, just give SUPER vague ideas) were actually not good suggestions.  I asked questions.  Well, to bad for me, at that point visit over.  Guess you don't question the coach.

And just to set the record straight, people who have weight issues, whether too much or too little weight, are not lazy, uneducated consumers.  I can name the calories, fat, blah, blah, blah in the majority of the food I put in my pie hole.  Pie, coconut cream, my fav.  Wait, I digress.....Yes, i have read just about every book on diets, on weight loss, on living a healthy life.  Blah, blah, blah.  I've got the apps.  I subscribe to the Facebook pages.  Really.  The knowledge is ALL there.  And probably way more than I will EVER need.  So why still a wanna be?

It's a heart condition.  Not physical.  Emotional.  I'm gettin' it figured out.  So hard to change habits and behaviors that have been there for so long.  Slight oxymoron as I do behavior therapy on a daily basis all day long with my clients.  So easy to teach others but so hard to put it into practice in my own life sometimes.  But, I'm ready.  There is this crazy, good feeling I have when I get done working out and I have pushed.  Not just exercised.  Pushed to the max, game face on, make the girl on the elliptical next to you think hey, if the big girl can do it, so can I and she ends up looking like she is trying to race you somewhere.  That's what I'm talking about.  Push.

I think I'm going to be my own wellness coach.  Pretty sure I can do the job, maybe do it better.

Last Minute

Why wait until the last minute?  Yes, I'm a little peeved.  There are people in my life that wait until the last minute.  Makes me crazy when I have my own deadlines to meet.  Then I have to wait until the last minute.  Cram.  Work twice as hard.  So frustrating.  

I always waited until the last minute when in college.  I work well under pressure.  Cranking out 15 page papers in two days?  No problem.  I graduated with a high GPA.  Apparently procrastination works in some instances.  When your job depends on it, not a good idea to procrastinate.  

That reminds me, I've waited until the last minute to send out Dread Heads birthday invites.  Kind of an important one.  He'll be 18.  So weird to think our oldest child will be 18.  Puts my own life into perspective.  I should probably quit procrastinating and get invites sent instead of thinking about how surreal this all seems.  

Oh well, I work well under pressure.

It's Almost Time

August 20th.  That's day number 1 at school for our three younger kiddos.  They're excited.  They're nervous.  The excitement wins out.  They are ready to buy school supplies.  Don't you just love the smell of school supplies in the fall?  (not fall, not my thought, from my fav. movie You've Got Mail.  You should watch it.)

Am I nervous?  Not this time.  I know they will be in good hands.  I know they will be getting what they need academically that doesn't come so easy at home.  Will they hear/see crud at school we don't want them to be immersed in?  Probably.  But, t.v. would have to go, music other than hymns (I have a strong dislove of hymns.  Just sayin'), classic literature, and on and on.  We don't lack parental involvement in our home.  Can we have honest, open discussions about things that they may question?  Absolutely.  That's our job.  

Love the idea of homeschooling.  Suck at it.  Not exaggerating, just a fact.  I'm ok with it.  I've made my peace with it.  Time to move on.  Actually looking forward to this change.  We've been here before but never with all the cards on the table.  We've never looked at it as the only option and a positive thing.  Gonna be a great year and experience for everyone.  That reminds me, time to start checking out the back to school sales.  Don't you just love the smell of school supplies in the fall??

It's Fun to Stay at the......

YMCA!  We joined the "Y" tonight.  We took the tour last week, had to wait until payday to get our sweat/swim on though.  I didn't swim.  Need a new suit.  Dread got his basketball on.  Dad and the younger kids enjoyed the slide, the fountains and everything else in the aquatic center.  Family fun that doesn't require food.  Odd concept for me.

We are investing in our future.  A healthier one.  Our kids' future.  Being healthier makes it easier to stay around and be part of our kids' future.  It creates healthy habits in our kids.  It instills a love of being active at a younger age.  Hopefully, they will all grow up being wanna be health nuts.  

I didn't grow up being a health nut.  Or have a love for being active.  Sure, I played softball.  I was a cheerleader for a while.  Activities that involved sweatng....definitely not my first love.  If they were, I wouldn't be a wanna be.  I'd just be a nut.  Changing negative habits is hard.  So hard.  But.....well, there are not buts, it's hard.

I can do this.  I can go from wanna be to just being.  I'm looking forward to my gym time being permanently in my schedule.  It's almost too hard to imagine.  Looking forward to a future that doesn't include putting my health last.  Kind of exciting.  What about looking in a full body mirror and thinking, wow, I am rockin' this little black number.  An odd concept for me but not for long.

So I totally blew my post every day goal.  Full Speed Life.  What can I say!

I finished up my first full week as super.  Nice.  Gotta say, love this job.  I'm busy.  My brain is always working.  I love that.

The Y.  As in YMCA.  It's going to be our new hang out.  It's 8 minutes from our house.  We took the tour.  Oooohhhhed and awwwwwwed.  It's a fantastic place to spend time together.  Great place to continue my health goals.  Jason can hulk out.  Dread head and basketball.  'Nough said.  Miss Mini can get her youth yoga on.  Mr. Smooth and the swim team gonna get together.  Miss Itty can rock her leotards and not just in the yard.  Instilling an active life style in our children?  Not only priceless but SO important.

We celebrated Mom's first week as super by going to Eagle Fun Days.  Should be Free Days.  So much to do.  So much fun.

Daddy and Miss Itty Bit Danced.

Miss Mini-Me experienced brain freeze.

Mr. Smooth giggled at elderly ladies booty dancing with canes.

Dread Head had chicks whistling at him as he walked down the side walk.

And Dad and Mom thanked God for blessing them with such amazing kids and this amazing Full Speed Life.

My life in cartoons

Today I feel like cartoons.  Cartoons speak volumes.  Plus, they make me laugh.  We all need to laugh.  It's good for you!  

Life gets crazy, busy and can be overwhelming.  But I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything.  Amazing husband (He cooks and he does laundry voluntarily.  Told you he was amazing).  Children that deserve saint hood (remember I work with mentally ill people all day long!).  They keep me grounded.  A job I love.  It's all good for me.

 
(The one above is for Mr. Smooth!!!)

(Ms. Mini Me knows Gucci!)

No guilt

I just completed the third day of my new job.  Second in the actual office.  Have I mentioned before that I love my job?  

As a mom, wow, we wear a lot of hats.  I have been a full-time stay at home mom.  Part-time working mom.  Business owner mom.  Working, going to school, business owner, homeschooling mom, been all of those at once.  Never have I felt more content than I do at this very moment in my life.

No guilt.  No bad mom syndrome.  Actually, I'm a better mom.  I am doing what I am called to do on all fronts.  I'm at peace.  This makes me a better mom.  It makes me better on all fronts.  

I love my husband.  I love my children.  I love my job.  I love my Full Speed Life.

Changing Labels

I didn't post yesterday so now I must post two times today to keep up with my personal goal of posting every day.  That sounded redundant.  Oh well.

There will be some page changes on our blog.  Label changes too.  Education is taking on a whole new look at our house.  OK, not totally new as it has been there before.  But new since I started this blog.  Feeling relieved. 

We aren't homeschoolers anymore.  Permanent change.  No going back.  Feels like a burden has been lifted.  The kids are unhappy and being very vocal.  My inner pride, I must do this to be a "good" parent, feeling guilty if I don't, feel validated if I do, feelings have been tossed.  Our kids' well being is at stake.

They've been telling everyone for a week now.  We hadn't made a decision yet.  That tells us something.  Maybe they know what they need and I (yes, me.  Jason (dad) always knew they were better off staying in school but the whole move thing at the end of the school year made us both question.  Ahhhh, I digress)yes, I, need to back off.  Actually, I need to stop questioning my life and my worth and feeling like my worth is tied up in homeschooling.  I think I got that one finally taken care of.  I've told Jason to verbally smack me back to reality if I ever go there again.  He gladly agreed.

 Changing labels.  I'm sure we will have feedback.  Some positive, some negative.  For what it's worth, don't care about the negative.  It's about the kids and what they need.  It's about what we need as a family.  So here it is.  Notus School District will be gaining three new students.  Dislike our district, on the wait list at the charter, so we will drive the 15 minutes to an itty bitty district that is ranked very high in our state.  So worth it.  So relieved.

A new week

My "new" job starts today.  Weird I know.  Our weeks include Sundays.  Mental Illnesses don't take weekends or holidays.  Oh well.  At least I love my job.

Not nervous.  Excited.  Hoping I get it all right.  Actually, I know I will make mistakes.  I know I will have questions.  But, I work with fantastic people who are always willing to help.  Makes transitioning easier.

Family time will increase.  Thankful for that.  Although I work more hours, they are "better" hours and more conducive to family life.  Husband is thrilled he won't have to cook as much.  I'm a little sad about that.  The break has been nice.  Oh well, at least I love my mom job too.

Balancing it all and making the chaos organized is going to be interesting until we get into the groove.  Then school will start and we will add a bit more organized chaos.  At least it won't be at home.  That's another post.

Feeling blessed that I have the support of an amazing man.  Feeling proud that I made it this far this fast in my job.  Feeling content that I am in a job I love.  Feeling relieved that the kids have started an educational revolt.  Feeling content (did I mention that?).  It's amazing. 

Biting Flies

Safe and happy 4th for everyone?  For us, yes.  All the essentials for a great time.  Really couldn't have asked for more.  Fireworks were beautiful but the bother the cars stopped in a ever streaming bumper to bumper line in front of Uncle's house, SO priceless.  Let me rephrase, bother no, entertain yes.  Already planning our attack, ahummm...firework after party entertainment for next year.  Good times.

Also planning our day after the 4th, become one with nature day, better.  Upper 90's for temps.  First creek we went to looking to play in the water and fish, dry.  Second creek, so shallow, fish were the size of the buttons on my pea coat.  Long drive back through the dessert, sun blazing on my arm and leg, even through the tinted window.  Third and final attempt, the Snake River.  Aha!  Water at last.  Lots of it.  Fish jumping out of the water, big ones I might add.  A seriously loud, crazy buzzing noise.  

We settle in with poles, worms, drinking water, and fun on the brain.  Lucky me, I get stung by a sweat bee within two minutes of being there.  I'm allergic to bees and the allergy meds were back at Uncle's.  Fortunately, it was small enough it that it just hurt like Hades, made my arm go weird, but went away.  Enter my new arch nemesis.  Biting flies.  Oh, how I despise them.  Why do biting/stinging insects think I'm bait?  Super excited to wear sandals the next few days and show off what my ankle biting friends left behind.

Biting flies.  They made me think.  Apparently God knew that biting/stinging insects were going to love me.  He knew that I would sweat like a man and attract them even more.  Biting flies, light bulb moment.  My intense love affair with air conditioning.  My genuine respect for beautiful leather bags and stylish shoes.  My deep attraction to the smell of polished floors and numerous overpowering perfumes wafting out of lowly lit stores with pounding music. 

 I can hang out with the biting flies once in a while.  One with nature on occasion but my allegiance will always be within the air conditioned walls of a shopping mall.  Good times!

Kids Are Revolting

The kids have been homeschooled again since April 1st.  Enrolled in public school the majority of the 2012-2013 school year.  Had it's problems, had it's positives.  Hanging out at home lots.  Has it's problems, has it's positives.  I flex my schedule when I can but a revolt has begun.  

Begging.  Pleading.  Nagging.  They want out.  Or should I say they want in.  August is their deadline for change.  They know the local schools start then.  They want in.  

We have always given our kids choice.  Sometimes we have made the choice for them.  Hasn't always been the right one.  Hasn't always been based on their opinion or their need.  We are giving our kids choice.  Not based on our opinion or theirs.  Based on what's best for them.

We've discussed it.  We've prayed.  We've talked.  Where do we go from here?  It looks like, we go in.  

Learning Curve

Is there anything in this world that doesn't have a learning curve??  That whole 70 minutes of yoga in a day. Remember that??  Ummmm.....I should have figured there'd be a learning curve.

Day after 70 minutes of thinking I am a yoga master.  Core so SORE I could hardly stand straight.  Triceps burning during my morning flat iron routine.  Thank God I had easy clients that were content to chill during session.  I'm still sore.  

I have a plan.  Continue to be yoga master, of sorts.  Remember the learning curve.  Alternate days when it's been a tough workout.  Remember the learning curve.  Seeing a pattern here?

I have goals.  I have plans.  I have a future.  A healthy future.  One that remembers the learning curve.

Yoga Master

Well, "Master" may  not be the correct term for myself at this point.  But, I have found that.....I love yoga.  A lot.  It does something for me.  Actually, it does a lot.  

My favorite yoga app has this saying at the end, "now bring this after yoga feeling to the rest of your day."  Sometimes I get my yoga on at night.  Stayed up too late the night before.  Darn Spelltower app.  But even if it's evening, it does something for me.

I have struggled with being healthy for a large portion of my life.  Can't use "I gained most of it with my first child" since he is now almost 18.  Granted, I did.  I just never lost it and then added more.  Last year, wow, what a year.  I did manage to lose about 68 pounds through all the crazy.  Winter.  Why winter do you have to bring 10 pounds?  Not the gift I wanted.  A whole myriad of emotions with that 10.  

I yoga'd (not sure that is a word) twice today for a total of 70 minutes.  A sense of accomplishment.  Pride.  Sore muscles.  Hope.  Knowing.  See ya 10.  You're not welcome. 

First time in my life I have ever shared this battle.  I think it's time.  Why?  I am winning.  It does something for me.

"Me" Train

So I posted on Facebook that I was blogging daily.  Didn't blog yesterday.  Long week.  Three kids with summer colds. My newest fascinating series season three came in at the library.  I think that's it.  Agenda today?  Laundry.  General house cleaning.  My new read Slummy Mummy (good read by the way).  Yoga.  Dinner.  I think that's it.

As a mom I often put off the things that I enjoy to contribute to the greater good of our family.  Some days it dawns on me that greater good is important but if I don't take care of myself, mentally and physically, I can't contribute much.  Other times, doesn't matter.  Greater good wins out.  

Where does this come from?  The idea that, as moms, we can't enjoy things just for ourselves.  Many sects in our society still push this archaic idea.  It has plagued me.  Made me feel guilty.  Caused me to give up things.  I'm over it.  

Our family doesn't suffer because I work.  I know, I know.  Work.  How is that for yourself?  Throw in the fact I LOVE my job.  It gives me a huge sense of personal satisfaction.  It's not just a money gig.  Our kids aren't losing out if I say no one in the computer room because I'm getting my yoga on for the next half hour.  To the point I don't really care if laundry sits while I read or blog to relax for a bit.  

I'm over it.  Guilt be gone.  Call me selfish.  I'm catching the  "me" train.  At least more often than I used to.  I think I'll check out that family membership to the Y.  Greater good.  "Me" time.  What could be better?  Shopping in New York City (I can dream right??).

Great Day

Today was a great day.  Busy.  Chaotic.  Clients in crisis.  Still, a great day.  I got promoted.  Like I said, a great day.

I have been at my job for almost a year.  It's not a job anymore.  It's a career.  One I truly love.  I have never been able to say this about any job I have held outside of our home.  I've found my niche.  It feels amazing.

Working with mentally ill people can be stressful.  Make me question my own sanity.  But....I learn so much everyday.  I learn things about my own self.  About my family.  My kids are saints.  My husband is more than amazing.  Our life.....better than "normal".  Whatever normal is.

New job, new duties.  Ones I will also enjoy.  Brings a bit more chaos to our life until I get into the groove.  Brings new decisions.  New opportunities for all.

I'm blessed.  Blessed beyond measure.  

A Dog's Life

Ever make choices and decisions and feel like wow, I am so in tune, this is exactly what we should do?  I'm good at that.  Fast forward two months.  Wow, stupid decision, what in the world motivated me to think that was a good thing!  Happens often.  Maybe I'm Bipolar?  Nah.  Human.

Oh to be a dog.  Do nothing but eat, sleep and hang out in the yard.  Go for the occasional car ride.  Chew up a stuffed animal or two.  No decisions other than lay on the floor or on the couch?  Pooh in this side of the yard or that side?  It's a dogs life.  

Maybe I should take lessons from my furry friend on decision making.  Pretty sure she doesn't torment herself over her choices.  Unless she eats the left hand off of another Barbie and ends up "grounded" from Miss Itty Bit's room.  Even then, doubt it.  

Maybe someday.  For now, I'll start slow.  No more regret.  No more trying to do it alone.  Manipulation.....gone.  Co-decision make with my amazing man a must.  Wow, this doesn't sound slow.  Or easier.  Yet anyway.  Once I get the hang of this, I think it will be easier.  

Going to hang out with my furry baby.  Gonna start those lessons.

BTW, wasn't her decision to wear a Christmas shirt.  Obvious right??

You just never know....

My mom called me this evening to tell me that my great uncle had passed away yesterday.  It was sudden.  Unexpected.  He was a kind, caring, and giving man.  I got my first ever Strawberry Shortcake doll along with the Garden Gazebo from him and my aunt.  He truly was a good man. 

My heart aches for my great aunt that shared his life for the past 55+ years.  I grieve for his daughters.  For his friends. 

You never know when you will leave this earth.  You never know when your time will be over.  You can't predict when you will no longer have breath.  You just never know....

Hold your family close.  Don't miss out on the little things.  Relish the quirks.  Center your faith on Jesus. 

You just never know.

Anxiety

 
I think I had an anxiety attack today.  I work in the mental health field so I see this on a daily basis.  Mind racing.  Impulsive decisions.  Hands shaking.  Talking out loud to myself.  Yep, I was a basket case and needed my own mental health services!

Thinking about our kids' education does this to me from time to time.  We have homeschooled for almost 12 years on and off.  Public school and private school thrown in here and there.  Our three younger kids were in public school in the 2012-2013 year for almost the whole year.  Enter anxiety attack (I think I have had these for my whole life but never really knew what it was).  Are we doing the right thing?  Is this bad for them?  I know they miss me, they want to spend more time with me right???  Throw in the fact that I was just depressed (cross country move, changes, trying to find our perspective, etc.) and the anxiety, well, let's just say it got a bit out of hand.  So I did what I do best at times and manipulated the situation a bit (I know, you're thinking I am the one who needs mental health services but don't we all at times?!?!?) and soon everyone was miserable.  Enter buying a new house.  New house, new district, only 6 weeks left of the school year, homeschool last six weeks of the year so they don't have to start a new school, awwwwww anxiety gone.

This morning.  Actually past two weeks.  It just reared it's ugly head this morning in a very visible way.  Are we doing the right thing?  Is this bad for them?  They are so bored and we are only a couple of months into this.  What happens when they have to do this day after day after day for months on end????  Are they going to end up being miserable????  They don't see me any more than before, when they were in school, they just get to be at home more (not so sure this is a great thing for kiddos who are very social).  Is this really a great thing for them or does it just satisfy some deep thing in me??

I put my coping skills into place, got ready for work, kissed my kiddos and headed out the door.  God and I had some pretty serious conversations today.  More questions.  Were they really happy in school and I screwed it up with my own insecurities?  Was it really that horrible of a place?  Did we do everything we could to make it a positive experience?  Why do I do these things?  What is that deep, somewhat crazy thing in me that triggers this???

No answers yet.  Mr. Smooth made a comment this evening when I got home from work, "I miss my friends and don't think I really like being home."  An answer?  Not sure.  Not reading anything into it.  He likes to talk.  But.....maybe I should listen more to my kids' feelings and thoughts (and not actually talk, just listen) instead of my anxieties?  Maybe I should only use my manipulation skills to make puzzle pieces fit into spaces they aren't supposed to fit in.  Definitely think it's something to consider.  

Changing Perspective

Funny, right??  Amazing what a straw, an iPhone and a late night date can do!

Perspective is everything!!  Man, our perspective on life has changed.  Our faces looked much like this picture through the process.  If you had known the Waitley family a couple of years ago and farther back, not sure you would actually recognize us.  Of course you would know our faces but actually know us?  Nope, you would be meeting a stranger with a familiar face.  Square peg, round hole.  Ever heard that?  Yep, that's what we were.  We don't fit the round hole mold very well and until we realized this, we were miserable.  Always searching for our perfect fit.  

We live this crazy, chaotic, busy Full Speed Life.  Jason works, I work, we homeschool, we spend time as a family, extra curricular fun for all, and yet, our lives are so much more than what they were when we were trying to fit the round hole mold.  

Our faith.  Our perspective has changed and I'm sure many would say that we are not "good" Christians.  Many would say we are liberal and would question our choices.  Get thee behind me round hole pusher (King James makes things sound so much more forceful) because we are who we are and God created us this way.  He must have a purpose for us even though we are square pegs.

Be happy as a square peg.  Find your perspective.  Don't let others tell you what or who you should be and how you should believe.  If they do, well, I hope you can get to the point that we are at and say, "stick it in your ear!"

Summer is Bliss

Check out the website on the bottom of this pic.  LOTS of helpful info!

Is it sad to say that I am SO thankful it is summer and we don't homeschool year round??  Don't get me wrong, I truly love homeschooling our kiddos but summer time makes me smile.  

No giving up "me time" on Sunday evening to get lessons ready.  No worrying about whether or not the kids are actually getting their lessons done while I am at work.  No flexing my schedule to accommodate field trips with weird hours.  

Homeschooling and working outside of the home has challenges.  Wanna know what the biggest challenge is?  Homeschoolers that judge us because I work.  I get sick of hearing it's ok for moms to work if it's a money issue.  I may have started for a money issue but I LOVE my job and have no desire to quit.  Why can't I have both?  Love my career, love homeschooling and I have the best of both worlds!

Life is good for all when mama is happy.  My job makes me smile.  There are days when my kids ask me to go to work.  They need the break.  I need the break.  Make me a crappy homeschool parent?  I dare anyone to say that to me, although I know for a fact I'm judged for it by some.  Oh well, kids are happy and mama and daddy are doing a happy dance with them.

Monday Again??

It's Sunday afternoon, everyone is vegging and I know tomorrow is Monday.  I'm not sad, I love my job.  Every day is a new day in mental health!  

I think more than anything it's the thought that I can't sleep in.  Weird how "sleep in" takes on a whole new meaning when you manage a career, a family, your children's education, and everything else going on in your life.  

"Sleep in" as a teen was definitely at least 11.  Sleep in now, 8:00 a.m.  I'm lucky if it's 8:30.  Not because our kids can't get their own cereal and turn on the tube without me but because my stupid brain knows what wake up time is during the week and it can't differentiate the weekend days.  So frustrating.  Mr. Smooth should definitely invent something for me to take care of this pesky problem.  

Oh well.  Monday will come anyway.  I will get up early to get it all (not exactly sure what all is but it makes me feel better to say that) done and will look forward to my two extra hours of sleep on Saturday morning!

Baby Alive in Chains

Baby Alive in Chains.  That's what I am calling this.  I came home from work one afternoon to find Baby Alive had had a very rough day.  No one really knew how she ended up that way but apparently, her day was way worse than mine.  

I have felt like Baby Alive chained up, bottom shelf, feeling like one more day and I'm just not going to get out of bed.  But then, this amazing thing happened.  I found myself.  So many events took place in our lives, too many to even recount in this post, but along the way, through all the tears, through all the confusion, I found myself.  An awakening happened in our family on this chaotic and sometimes uncomfortable journey and everyone on the Waitley adventure gained something and grew into someone even more beautiful.  People who are not confined or defined by man.  Human beings more compassionate, more at peace, and more able to openly love.  A family that is guided by true faith and a real connection with the Creator.  

A new beginning requires a new blog.  No way I can start up with the old as when I read back through old posts, it was like reading a foreign work that seemed, frankly, odd!  So far from where we are and who we are now.  

Thanks for following us on our journey.  If you are curious as to the events that took place to get us to this amazing new awareness of just who we are, check out the "About Us" page and you will get to know us a little better.  Other than that, hang on, you're in for a crazy ride!

Judy