Yoga Master

Well, "Master" may  not be the correct term for myself at this point.  But, I have found that.....I love yoga.  A lot.  It does something for me.  Actually, it does a lot.  

My favorite yoga app has this saying at the end, "now bring this after yoga feeling to the rest of your day."  Sometimes I get my yoga on at night.  Stayed up too late the night before.  Darn Spelltower app.  But even if it's evening, it does something for me.

I have struggled with being healthy for a large portion of my life.  Can't use "I gained most of it with my first child" since he is now almost 18.  Granted, I did.  I just never lost it and then added more.  Last year, wow, what a year.  I did manage to lose about 68 pounds through all the crazy.  Winter.  Why winter do you have to bring 10 pounds?  Not the gift I wanted.  A whole myriad of emotions with that 10.  

I yoga'd (not sure that is a word) twice today for a total of 70 minutes.  A sense of accomplishment.  Pride.  Sore muscles.  Hope.  Knowing.  See ya 10.  You're not welcome. 

First time in my life I have ever shared this battle.  I think it's time.  Why?  I am winning.  It does something for me.

"Me" Train

So I posted on Facebook that I was blogging daily.  Didn't blog yesterday.  Long week.  Three kids with summer colds. My newest fascinating series season three came in at the library.  I think that's it.  Agenda today?  Laundry.  General house cleaning.  My new read Slummy Mummy (good read by the way).  Yoga.  Dinner.  I think that's it.

As a mom I often put off the things that I enjoy to contribute to the greater good of our family.  Some days it dawns on me that greater good is important but if I don't take care of myself, mentally and physically, I can't contribute much.  Other times, doesn't matter.  Greater good wins out.  

Where does this come from?  The idea that, as moms, we can't enjoy things just for ourselves.  Many sects in our society still push this archaic idea.  It has plagued me.  Made me feel guilty.  Caused me to give up things.  I'm over it.  

Our family doesn't suffer because I work.  I know, I know.  Work.  How is that for yourself?  Throw in the fact I LOVE my job.  It gives me a huge sense of personal satisfaction.  It's not just a money gig.  Our kids aren't losing out if I say no one in the computer room because I'm getting my yoga on for the next half hour.  To the point I don't really care if laundry sits while I read or blog to relax for a bit.  

I'm over it.  Guilt be gone.  Call me selfish.  I'm catching the  "me" train.  At least more often than I used to.  I think I'll check out that family membership to the Y.  Greater good.  "Me" time.  What could be better?  Shopping in New York City (I can dream right??).

Great Day

Today was a great day.  Busy.  Chaotic.  Clients in crisis.  Still, a great day.  I got promoted.  Like I said, a great day.

I have been at my job for almost a year.  It's not a job anymore.  It's a career.  One I truly love.  I have never been able to say this about any job I have held outside of our home.  I've found my niche.  It feels amazing.

Working with mentally ill people can be stressful.  Make me question my own sanity.  But....I learn so much everyday.  I learn things about my own self.  About my family.  My kids are saints.  My husband is more than amazing.  Our life.....better than "normal".  Whatever normal is.

New job, new duties.  Ones I will also enjoy.  Brings a bit more chaos to our life until I get into the groove.  Brings new decisions.  New opportunities for all.

I'm blessed.  Blessed beyond measure.  

A Dog's Life

Ever make choices and decisions and feel like wow, I am so in tune, this is exactly what we should do?  I'm good at that.  Fast forward two months.  Wow, stupid decision, what in the world motivated me to think that was a good thing!  Happens often.  Maybe I'm Bipolar?  Nah.  Human.

Oh to be a dog.  Do nothing but eat, sleep and hang out in the yard.  Go for the occasional car ride.  Chew up a stuffed animal or two.  No decisions other than lay on the floor or on the couch?  Pooh in this side of the yard or that side?  It's a dogs life.  

Maybe I should take lessons from my furry friend on decision making.  Pretty sure she doesn't torment herself over her choices.  Unless she eats the left hand off of another Barbie and ends up "grounded" from Miss Itty Bit's room.  Even then, doubt it.  

Maybe someday.  For now, I'll start slow.  No more regret.  No more trying to do it alone.  Manipulation.....gone.  Co-decision make with my amazing man a must.  Wow, this doesn't sound slow.  Or easier.  Yet anyway.  Once I get the hang of this, I think it will be easier.  

Going to hang out with my furry baby.  Gonna start those lessons.

BTW, wasn't her decision to wear a Christmas shirt.  Obvious right??

You just never know....

My mom called me this evening to tell me that my great uncle had passed away yesterday.  It was sudden.  Unexpected.  He was a kind, caring, and giving man.  I got my first ever Strawberry Shortcake doll along with the Garden Gazebo from him and my aunt.  He truly was a good man. 

My heart aches for my great aunt that shared his life for the past 55+ years.  I grieve for his daughters.  For his friends. 

You never know when you will leave this earth.  You never know when your time will be over.  You can't predict when you will no longer have breath.  You just never know....

Hold your family close.  Don't miss out on the little things.  Relish the quirks.  Center your faith on Jesus. 

You just never know.

Anxiety

 
I think I had an anxiety attack today.  I work in the mental health field so I see this on a daily basis.  Mind racing.  Impulsive decisions.  Hands shaking.  Talking out loud to myself.  Yep, I was a basket case and needed my own mental health services!

Thinking about our kids' education does this to me from time to time.  We have homeschooled for almost 12 years on and off.  Public school and private school thrown in here and there.  Our three younger kids were in public school in the 2012-2013 year for almost the whole year.  Enter anxiety attack (I think I have had these for my whole life but never really knew what it was).  Are we doing the right thing?  Is this bad for them?  I know they miss me, they want to spend more time with me right???  Throw in the fact that I was just depressed (cross country move, changes, trying to find our perspective, etc.) and the anxiety, well, let's just say it got a bit out of hand.  So I did what I do best at times and manipulated the situation a bit (I know, you're thinking I am the one who needs mental health services but don't we all at times?!?!?) and soon everyone was miserable.  Enter buying a new house.  New house, new district, only 6 weeks left of the school year, homeschool last six weeks of the year so they don't have to start a new school, awwwwww anxiety gone.

This morning.  Actually past two weeks.  It just reared it's ugly head this morning in a very visible way.  Are we doing the right thing?  Is this bad for them?  They are so bored and we are only a couple of months into this.  What happens when they have to do this day after day after day for months on end????  Are they going to end up being miserable????  They don't see me any more than before, when they were in school, they just get to be at home more (not so sure this is a great thing for kiddos who are very social).  Is this really a great thing for them or does it just satisfy some deep thing in me??

I put my coping skills into place, got ready for work, kissed my kiddos and headed out the door.  God and I had some pretty serious conversations today.  More questions.  Were they really happy in school and I screwed it up with my own insecurities?  Was it really that horrible of a place?  Did we do everything we could to make it a positive experience?  Why do I do these things?  What is that deep, somewhat crazy thing in me that triggers this???

No answers yet.  Mr. Smooth made a comment this evening when I got home from work, "I miss my friends and don't think I really like being home."  An answer?  Not sure.  Not reading anything into it.  He likes to talk.  But.....maybe I should listen more to my kids' feelings and thoughts (and not actually talk, just listen) instead of my anxieties?  Maybe I should only use my manipulation skills to make puzzle pieces fit into spaces they aren't supposed to fit in.  Definitely think it's something to consider.  

Changing Perspective

Funny, right??  Amazing what a straw, an iPhone and a late night date can do!

Perspective is everything!!  Man, our perspective on life has changed.  Our faces looked much like this picture through the process.  If you had known the Waitley family a couple of years ago and farther back, not sure you would actually recognize us.  Of course you would know our faces but actually know us?  Nope, you would be meeting a stranger with a familiar face.  Square peg, round hole.  Ever heard that?  Yep, that's what we were.  We don't fit the round hole mold very well and until we realized this, we were miserable.  Always searching for our perfect fit.  

We live this crazy, chaotic, busy Full Speed Life.  Jason works, I work, we homeschool, we spend time as a family, extra curricular fun for all, and yet, our lives are so much more than what they were when we were trying to fit the round hole mold.  

Our faith.  Our perspective has changed and I'm sure many would say that we are not "good" Christians.  Many would say we are liberal and would question our choices.  Get thee behind me round hole pusher (King James makes things sound so much more forceful) because we are who we are and God created us this way.  He must have a purpose for us even though we are square pegs.

Be happy as a square peg.  Find your perspective.  Don't let others tell you what or who you should be and how you should believe.  If they do, well, I hope you can get to the point that we are at and say, "stick it in your ear!"

Summer is Bliss

Check out the website on the bottom of this pic.  LOTS of helpful info!

Is it sad to say that I am SO thankful it is summer and we don't homeschool year round??  Don't get me wrong, I truly love homeschooling our kiddos but summer time makes me smile.  

No giving up "me time" on Sunday evening to get lessons ready.  No worrying about whether or not the kids are actually getting their lessons done while I am at work.  No flexing my schedule to accommodate field trips with weird hours.  

Homeschooling and working outside of the home has challenges.  Wanna know what the biggest challenge is?  Homeschoolers that judge us because I work.  I get sick of hearing it's ok for moms to work if it's a money issue.  I may have started for a money issue but I LOVE my job and have no desire to quit.  Why can't I have both?  Love my career, love homeschooling and I have the best of both worlds!

Life is good for all when mama is happy.  My job makes me smile.  There are days when my kids ask me to go to work.  They need the break.  I need the break.  Make me a crappy homeschool parent?  I dare anyone to say that to me, although I know for a fact I'm judged for it by some.  Oh well, kids are happy and mama and daddy are doing a happy dance with them.

Monday Again??

It's Sunday afternoon, everyone is vegging and I know tomorrow is Monday.  I'm not sad, I love my job.  Every day is a new day in mental health!  

I think more than anything it's the thought that I can't sleep in.  Weird how "sleep in" takes on a whole new meaning when you manage a career, a family, your children's education, and everything else going on in your life.  

"Sleep in" as a teen was definitely at least 11.  Sleep in now, 8:00 a.m.  I'm lucky if it's 8:30.  Not because our kids can't get their own cereal and turn on the tube without me but because my stupid brain knows what wake up time is during the week and it can't differentiate the weekend days.  So frustrating.  Mr. Smooth should definitely invent something for me to take care of this pesky problem.  

Oh well.  Monday will come anyway.  I will get up early to get it all (not exactly sure what all is but it makes me feel better to say that) done and will look forward to my two extra hours of sleep on Saturday morning!

Baby Alive in Chains

Baby Alive in Chains.  That's what I am calling this.  I came home from work one afternoon to find Baby Alive had had a very rough day.  No one really knew how she ended up that way but apparently, her day was way worse than mine.  

I have felt like Baby Alive chained up, bottom shelf, feeling like one more day and I'm just not going to get out of bed.  But then, this amazing thing happened.  I found myself.  So many events took place in our lives, too many to even recount in this post, but along the way, through all the tears, through all the confusion, I found myself.  An awakening happened in our family on this chaotic and sometimes uncomfortable journey and everyone on the Waitley adventure gained something and grew into someone even more beautiful.  People who are not confined or defined by man.  Human beings more compassionate, more at peace, and more able to openly love.  A family that is guided by true faith and a real connection with the Creator.  

A new beginning requires a new blog.  No way I can start up with the old as when I read back through old posts, it was like reading a foreign work that seemed, frankly, odd!  So far from where we are and who we are now.  

Thanks for following us on our journey.  If you are curious as to the events that took place to get us to this amazing new awareness of just who we are, check out the "About Us" page and you will get to know us a little better.  Other than that, hang on, you're in for a crazy ride!

Judy