Is Nothing Sacred Anymore?

Let me set the scene.  Mexican restaurant, about 5 o'clock.  Just me, Dorothy and Jason as the little kids were at Auntie's house.  Jason sitting on one side, Dorothy and I on the other.

So here's how it all goes down.  Waitress comes up to the table, looks my man up and down and then asks "is this altogether or separate tickets?"  I answer "together" with a hint of how dumb are you in my voice.  She proceeds to ask my man umpteen questions throughout the meal.  Stupid questions like..."that's a HUGE burrito, are you sure you can eat all that?"  At that point, I was calculating just how hard I would need to throat punch her to take her out for good.  Meal over and standing at the counter waiting to pay.  I'm standing RIGHT beside my man.  She rushes to the counter, gets as close as possible to him without actually becoming a parasite and then asks "soooo, what ya doing this weekend?"  Now I'm ready to open a can...a can of whoop ass on her.  I barely let my man speak as I felt the need to protect him from the tweeker, home wrecker that was attempting to latch onto him with his wife and daughter standing right beside him.  


Is nothing sacred anymore???  Really.  It wasn't like he didn't have a ring on or that his wife and kid weren't right there.  What makes a person so bold and stupid, especially when the other person is clearly not reciprocating the attention?  Dope.  No self-esteem.  Lack of self-respect.  Complete lack of respect for others.  Pretty sure it's all of them in her case.

What did I learn from showdown at Acapulco?  We have to be vigilant in today's world to protect our relationships.  Too many people in this world don't care about the consequences of their actions.  Could care less about how their actions hurt others.  They will blatantly attempt to ruin your life for their own pleasure.  It's my job and my man's job to make sure that our relationship is strong.  It falls on us to protect our family from the violators of this world.  We are strong.  We are one.  We will not be shaken.  Not today tweaker, not today!

Moms Against Judging Other Moms

A Facebook acquaintance, we are in a homeschooling group together, wrote a post.  So why write about it?  Because it really got my goat so to speak.  Made me angry. Made me indignant that anyone would judge an entire group of people so harshly when they don't even know them or their situation.  Here's how it went down (the skinny version and unless it's in quotes its paraphrased, just covering my tail!):

Facebook lady:  I have to work very part time.  Makes me feel guilty for leaving my three kids (somewhere in the age range of 8-12).  Hope I don't have to do this forever.

Me:  Been there done that.  I get it.  Working mom guilt sucks.  Was a stay at home mom for 17 years (worked part time outside the home here and there) then went to work full-time due to financial necessity.  Adjustment for family, for me, for everyone.  However family didn't fall apart, kids are still good, life is good.

Facebook lady:  (remember quotes are exact words here) "My stomach lurches in disgust when I think that people do this because they WANT to (work outside the home).  Makes my heart so sad."  blah, blah, blah

Me:  *Read post over and over to make sure I'm not reading something into this.  Decide I'm not and thoughtfully formulate my reply seasoned with grace although I just really wanted to say WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?!*  Love my career, love my kids and family, love my husband for supporting me 100% in doing what I do.  Going back to work full-time in a few months because I want to.  Every family is different, functions differently, blah, blah blah.

END of conversation as lady ignores my post.  Actually, everyone on the thread did, she got a lot of "likes".  Black sheep of the homeschool group again.  Seems to be my niche.  

I read that post in the morning.  Got ready for work, went and did the job that I love but couldn't quit thinking about statements made.  I literally thought about it all weekend.  I think because I used to be one of those people.  Wow.  I want to go back in time and throat punch myself.  Really.  How dare I make those kind of judgments on other mama's out there doing their thing?  Maybe they do it out of necessity, maybe they just love it.  Either way, who cares!

Now, I'm on the other end of the spectrum.  I do kind of have the best of both worlds.  I love my job and doing what I do.  My kids are old enough that they can function without me being there 24/7 and get to be homeschooled.  Oldest son and daughter-in-law live right beside us and when I go back to work full-time, she's gonna pick up some extra cash by being the herd leader while I'm at work.  Now that I think about it, I really have it pretty sweet.  

BUT...no matter where the kids go to school, no matter who is wrangling the clan, no matter how many hours I work, no matter how much I love it, whether it's necessity or want that I work, it doesn't give ANYONE the right to make judgments about my choices and in-turn imply that my family is suffering because I work (*see makes my heart so sad).  



Shaming working moms because they want to work is a really sucky move. 

OMGrocery Shopping

Ummm...don't think I have ever looked like this on a grocery shopping trip.  Unless we went after church.  Even then, still can't remember a trip when I was "dressed" at the store.  And her perky smile?  Really?  Unless all those groceries on the belt are free, you probably won't see that look on my face.  My facial expressions are more of concern.  Did the cashier get all my coupons?  Did the sale prices automatically ring up?  Did I stay within my budget?  Of course I did, my calculator was going the whole time I was shopping.  But still, what if something showed up in my cart that I didn't account for?  You get it.  

I remember the days of taking all four kids to the store with me.  Everyone had a job or duty in the store.  Now it's all me.  I'm ok with that part. I can get in and out in way less time.  One thing I miss...the help from the kids getting the groceries on the belt while I'm watching the monitor for accuracy.  (remember concerned facial expressions??).  Ugh.  Why is this such a focus for me?

Since my job has changed so much, our budget has too.  We have lived on less in the past and were able to do fine.  I don't wanna do fine.  Financially that is.  I wanna do well.  It's not about having stuff.  It's not about wanting what your neighbor has or trying to impress anyone.  It's about stability.  Peace of mind.  Having a cushion.  Not obsessing at the check-out.

Just gonna be real here for a minute.  I know it's for a season.  Believe me, I'm crazy, super thankful for all of the blessings in our life. I also know there is a purpose.  But come on, really??  After 20 years with my amazing man and the crazy, super amount of work we have both put in over the years...I'm over it.  I want my cushion back.  Season...you suck.  We are told all the time, be thankful.  I am.  Don't focus on the negatives.  I'm not.  They are kind of in my face and hard to ignore.  Find the positives.  Check and I can list them all.  Guess what?  I don't have to like it and I certainly don't have to stay in this season.  

As I pulled groceries off the shelves today I kind of looked like the lady in the pic.  The smile and pleasantness?  Yep.  It wasn't because I was content with the season.  Or because I was buying canned ham.  It was because this season is on it's way out.  Soon.  This is not our "lot" in life.  That's crap (or the "C" word as my mom would say).  I have been given the power and the strength to change the season...thank God I have $2 left in my grocery budget because I'm probably gonna need a Monster to push through.  

My Top 3 Reasons for...

Our next house not being in the country

  1.  Maintaining a swimming pool costs you an arm and a leg because all of

       nature's cast offs end up in the water and screw up the balance.  

  2.  Busy country road = no bueno for riding your bikes anywhere

  3.  Walking to the store can be hazardous to your health (see #2).

I'll take this one!

Being thankful that our kids are getting older

  1.  Date night.  Happens way more often now that they aren't wee ones.

  2.  They are much more "convenient".  If we want to go somewhere drop of

       a hat, we tell everyone to get in the car and we go.  No extra clothes, no

       extra luggage, we just go. 

  3.  All of them know how to read.  I have a love hate relationship with teaching

       kids how to read.

Not being a helicopter mom

  1.  I'm just not that motivated.  Seriously.  

  2.  They gotta make mistakes at some point and thank God they know they

       can talk to me about them.

  3.  I want them to be their own person.

Being myself

  1.  I could say all the above things and not feel guilty or worry about what

       others think.

  2.  I kind of actually like the real me. 

  3.  I'm not a pretender searching for myself anymore.

Only 6 Weeks Away...

...school for the kids that is!  Having surgery not only changed my life but our kids lives too.  Being told "hey you might not have made it through" makes you really evaluate things in your life.  Makes you look at what's really important.  The kids were on spring break when we came back from Mexico and they never went back to school.  

We cannot say enough good things about the Middleton School District.  Teachers and staff were wonderful.  All the bells and whistles you could ever want in a school.   However they weren't home.  Home for school.  For the most part, it didn't both us too bad.  At first.  The kids were content for the most part.  I was crazy busy with work and with going to school myself.  Jason was crazy busy with his job.  Little by little something just didn't seem to quite fit.  Like there was a piece of our lives we were missing out on.  A piece that we have always known should be there.  Enter life changing surgery.  Exit public school.

After the exodus to home, something really odd happened in our house.  A crazy phenomenon really.  The kids liked each other again.  The constant bickering stopped.  Siblings became friends once again.  Oh, and the dog lost weight since she was no longer sleeping the whole day away.  The missing piece had been put in place.

We tinkered with math and language arts for the remainder of the year and read a lot of books.  After being in school for the last almost two years, they needed a break.  I needed time to wrap my brain around what we had just done, even though I knew it was the missing piece.  Brain wrapped...let's do this!

I'm jacked for the new school year.  Really!  I've been slowly buying books and am getting closer to the end of the list.  We are using some old favs and we are gonna try out some new things.  I love the smell of books and I really love getting mail now days.  I can't wait to buy school supplies.  It's an addiction.  Really.  All those cheap crayons and notebooks make me giddy.  Who doesn't love the smell of scotch tape, glue sticks and new pencils??  Maybe it's just me.

Our journey isn't for everyone.  Our schooling choice isn't superior to others.  Our journey and methods and stances and outlook have changed a whole lot since we were last in the homeschooling sphere.  Thank God!  Truly.  As I put it on my Pintrest board, we are homeschooling without all the stereotypes.  You won't find a single jean jumper in our home.  EVER!  You won't even find us having "family worship" as part of our school day.  GASP!  NeWsFLaSh:  We may be homeschoolers but we are all original in the Waitley casa, cut from a very different cloth.  All of us are jacked about that.

(because who doesn't love the Dos XX guy!)

Change isn't always a bad thing...

...however, I don't always do change well.  With the exception of recent change.  For the past three years I have been a full-time working mama.  I love my job and I love working in mental health.  I have found my niche in the job market and have no plans of leaving it.  Two more years to go until I earn my Masters in counseling.  So back to change, the one that just happened.  

.....The kids are my priority.  When your kids get sick or have some kind of crazy health situation occur, you reassess your life and make changes.  We did that and that's where change came in.  I am still a working mama but I am no longer a full-time working mama, I'm a less than part-time kind of girl now.  Wow, it was emotional transferring some of my clients but I know they are in good hands.  I'm thankful for the company that I work for.  They didn't have to keep me.  They didn't have to let me retain my position.  But, they did because they know my kids are my priority.  They get it.  

So what does that mean for us?  Mom is home more.  That's change that I can do.  Dad doesn't have to cook dinner anymore.  That's change that he is more than willing to do.  Hanging out with family and meeting new friends.  That's change that the kids are down for.  Heck, that's change we are all down for.  

Do I miss some aspects of my job?  Absolutely.  I like knowing the M.O. on every person that comes through our program so that I can better help the people I supervise.  Now that my time is limited, I will just have to be more efficient in assimilating information.  I got this.  I will also miss daily pow wow time with the amazing clinicians in the office.  I'll have to be more efficient in the hours that I am there.  I got this too.  

My job doesn't define me as a person but it is an important part of who I am.  I used to feel guilty about this.  Not anymore.  I'm a better mom and wife when I am able to work, just ask my kids and my husband.  I'm thankful and blessed and oh so grateful that I get to keep this part of who I am.  But, I'm not gonna lie...My time at home has been fab and I am grateful for that too!

Mom. What you don't know about her...

...is that she isn't just a mom, she's a saint.  Yes, you heard that right.  Ask anyone that knows her and they will pretty much tell ya the same thing.  I know, there is already a St. Judith but she is from Prussia and the 13th century, this St. Judith is from St. Louis and from the here and now.  

My mom lived through hell and back before I made my way into this world.  There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for her kids (two of my brothers at that time), including run from a horrid situation that could have gotten her killed.  But she did it anyway.  She would have given her life for her children at any moment in time.  Wait, she was a mom, she gave up having a life for us.

My mom loves to dance.  We were the only 4th graders that knew how to jitterbug.  We had a blast dancing down the green plastic runner in the living room with our mom.  She could have been a dancer, she's that good.  Instead, she worked at the appliance store or the cancer hospital to bring home the bacon.  At night...we danced.  Dancing with the Stars had nothing on us.

My mom loves baseball.  The St. Louis Cardinals have a life long, #1 fan in my mom.  Burn out catch in the front yard, ball games filled with stink bugs and moths in the evening and catchers helmets full of dirt made us into Cardinals fans.  She sacrificed her time, what precious little time she had, to pass on something that she grew to love from her own childhood.

My mom has tact and is always a lady.  Perm in the 3rd grade with my already very naturally curly hair, I begged for weeks and she let me go ahead even though she knew what was going to happen.  Think Michael Jackson from the Jackson 5.  It was that bad.  She cried with me, she told me I was beautiful and then she asked me how I wanted my hair cut.  Boy hair cut followed the perm incident and never once did she say I told you so.  Pilgrim shoes.  I owned them.  Well, they looked like Pilgrim shoes (think giant buckle) to my mom.  Never did she tell me there were ugly.  She said they were "nice Pilgrim shoes" and smiled her charming smile.  

My mom gives, even when there isn't anything to give.  Holiday dinners usually included at least 1 or 2 families in the church that didn't have family around (sometimes it was more like 4-6 families).  If there wasn't enough food, she could mysteriously whip up more.  Everyone always took food home.  To this day she is always giving something whether it is her time, her care, kindness, a listening shoulder, doesn't really matter, if someone needs something, she will find something to give.  

My  mom makes me smile.  She makes me laugh.  She makes me thankful.  She makes me proud.  Proud to be her daughter and proud to say that she is my mother.  So here's to you mom, St. Judith of St. Louis, I am so blessed to have a mother that loves me no matter how much you may want to shake me sometimes.  You truly are my hero.

My beautiful mother

With her charming smile

And her loving heart

Always bringing a smile to

      my face.  I love you.