Moms Against Judging Other Moms

A Facebook acquaintance, we are in a homeschooling group together, wrote a post.  So why write about it?  Because it really got my goat so to speak.  Made me angry. Made me indignant that anyone would judge an entire group of people so harshly when they don't even know them or their situation.  Here's how it went down (the skinny version and unless it's in quotes its paraphrased, just covering my tail!):

Facebook lady:  I have to work very part time.  Makes me feel guilty for leaving my three kids (somewhere in the age range of 8-12).  Hope I don't have to do this forever.

Me:  Been there done that.  I get it.  Working mom guilt sucks.  Was a stay at home mom for 17 years (worked part time outside the home here and there) then went to work full-time due to financial necessity.  Adjustment for family, for me, for everyone.  However family didn't fall apart, kids are still good, life is good.

Facebook lady:  (remember quotes are exact words here) "My stomach lurches in disgust when I think that people do this because they WANT to (work outside the home).  Makes my heart so sad."  blah, blah, blah

Me:  *Read post over and over to make sure I'm not reading something into this.  Decide I'm not and thoughtfully formulate my reply seasoned with grace although I just really wanted to say WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?!*  Love my career, love my kids and family, love my husband for supporting me 100% in doing what I do.  Going back to work full-time in a few months because I want to.  Every family is different, functions differently, blah, blah blah.

END of conversation as lady ignores my post.  Actually, everyone on the thread did, she got a lot of "likes".  Black sheep of the homeschool group again.  Seems to be my niche.  

I read that post in the morning.  Got ready for work, went and did the job that I love but couldn't quit thinking about statements made.  I literally thought about it all weekend.  I think because I used to be one of those people.  Wow.  I want to go back in time and throat punch myself.  Really.  How dare I make those kind of judgments on other mama's out there doing their thing?  Maybe they do it out of necessity, maybe they just love it.  Either way, who cares!

Now, I'm on the other end of the spectrum.  I do kind of have the best of both worlds.  I love my job and doing what I do.  My kids are old enough that they can function without me being there 24/7 and get to be homeschooled.  Oldest son and daughter-in-law live right beside us and when I go back to work full-time, she's gonna pick up some extra cash by being the herd leader while I'm at work.  Now that I think about it, I really have it pretty sweet.  

BUT...no matter where the kids go to school, no matter who is wrangling the clan, no matter how many hours I work, no matter how much I love it, whether it's necessity or want that I work, it doesn't give ANYONE the right to make judgments about my choices and in-turn imply that my family is suffering because I work (*see makes my heart so sad).  



Shaming working moms because they want to work is a really sucky move. 

OMGrocery Shopping

Ummm...don't think I have ever looked like this on a grocery shopping trip.  Unless we went after church.  Even then, still can't remember a trip when I was "dressed" at the store.  And her perky smile?  Really?  Unless all those groceries on the belt are free, you probably won't see that look on my face.  My facial expressions are more of concern.  Did the cashier get all my coupons?  Did the sale prices automatically ring up?  Did I stay within my budget?  Of course I did, my calculator was going the whole time I was shopping.  But still, what if something showed up in my cart that I didn't account for?  You get it.  

I remember the days of taking all four kids to the store with me.  Everyone had a job or duty in the store.  Now it's all me.  I'm ok with that part. I can get in and out in way less time.  One thing I miss...the help from the kids getting the groceries on the belt while I'm watching the monitor for accuracy.  (remember concerned facial expressions??).  Ugh.  Why is this such a focus for me?

Since my job has changed so much, our budget has too.  We have lived on less in the past and were able to do fine.  I don't wanna do fine.  Financially that is.  I wanna do well.  It's not about having stuff.  It's not about wanting what your neighbor has or trying to impress anyone.  It's about stability.  Peace of mind.  Having a cushion.  Not obsessing at the check-out.

Just gonna be real here for a minute.  I know it's for a season.  Believe me, I'm crazy, super thankful for all of the blessings in our life. I also know there is a purpose.  But come on, really??  After 20 years with my amazing man and the crazy, super amount of work we have both put in over the years...I'm over it.  I want my cushion back.  Season...you suck.  We are told all the time, be thankful.  I am.  Don't focus on the negatives.  I'm not.  They are kind of in my face and hard to ignore.  Find the positives.  Check and I can list them all.  Guess what?  I don't have to like it and I certainly don't have to stay in this season.  

As I pulled groceries off the shelves today I kind of looked like the lady in the pic.  The smile and pleasantness?  Yep.  It wasn't because I was content with the season.  Or because I was buying canned ham.  It was because this season is on it's way out.  Soon.  This is not our "lot" in life.  That's crap (or the "C" word as my mom would say).  I have been given the power and the strength to change the season...thank God I have $2 left in my grocery budget because I'm probably gonna need a Monster to push through.